Needs Must

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" Leonard Nimoy as Spock in 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', 1982.

Probably one of  Spock's most famous lines, right up there with "Live long and Prosper" and "Illogical".  Captain Kirk's shaky reply was, "Or the one."  It was obvious that Spock's self-sacrifice was the only way to save everyone else.

Moms get this.  It's what we do, right?  It's the hallmark of a good mom, right?  No. In fact, it can be a sign of impending doom before becoming a (hopefully only temporarily) broken mom.  Many women are raised with a 'needs must' attitude, and the belief that we must get the job done no matter what the cost to our personal health or emotional well-being.  Otherwise, we fear being thought of as selfish or inadequate if others perceive we are putting our own needs before those of our families.

Guess what? You are not going to be capable of giving your best help and support if you are at less than your best.  Worst-case scenario, a woman can allow herself to be driven to the point of emotional implosion and/or serious illness, no longer able to provide for herself or anyone else. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't happening a lot more often than we think.

There is a balance.  We need to raise our children - especially our daughters - to listen to their needs in a productive way.  Not because we want them to lie around on the couch playing video games, but because a little solitary time weeding the garden or shooting a few hoops, reading, quiet time/meditation - or knitting! - is an effective way to regroup and gather one's energies after a class or meeting.  Teach them to know what that is, and how to value it as a tool of good self-care.

If caring only for others can leave us drained and unwell, and caring only for ourselves makes us selfish, it makes sense that striking a balance is the only way to be healthy and whole. What greater gift can we give our children?

One nice way to take care of oneself is with a hot water bottle to sooth away
the aches and pains of too much gardening or yard work! This is my slightly
tweaked version of the Cabled Hot Water Bottle Cosy by Alexis Layton,
a free pattern on Ravelry!

Ready.... BREAK!

The second week of June is typically pretty busy around here, as it is the last week of school and the week before recital. Might sound "same ol', same ol'", but no - in fact, this week we have more going on than we do in some entire months of the rest of the year!

Boyo has marching band practice every day, leading up to the local annual parade Saturday morning, and extra rehearsals and class photos for the ballet recital Saturday afternoon. Since the parade happens in the morning he will miss the dress rehearsal in the performance venue, but hopefully get oriented to the stage when we take him in a few minutes early for 'call'.

There are field trips this week, my regular monthly meetings with agendas beforehand and meeting minutes after; and a new, exciting project that I'm working on for a friend's non-profit organization. Girlie has a terrible cold, and some of us are struggling against terrible attitudes - and I'll admit I'm the first person I need to take strongly in hand, here!

Blogging will be taking a back seat for a while - likely at the very back of the bus - but I'd like to leave you with something.  A dear friend (thank you, Ione!) posted a link to an amazing video, which I'll share:

...and here is another that mentioned the same wondrous premise forty years ago.

We ARE all connected. So can I borrow some of your energy to get us through the next week? ;-)

You Just Never Know!

It never fails; about the time I think nothing changes, something changes.

Girlie is starting to get interested in food preparation and cooking. I've wanted this to happen for a long time, albeit with a few reservations due to our propensity for dyspraxia-related mishaps. Still, there is no shortage of cleaning supplies in this house!

Last week while I was gone Girlie asked Dearest to help her make noodles (meaning, 'boil some pasta'), and the household was buzzing with excitement when I came home. Most recently, she turned down a chance to go swimming and asked if she could make brownies. That was much more involved because, not only was there a list of ingredients, Girlie had to figure out how to halve them because we only wanted a small pan rather than the huge quantity the recipe makes. She even managed to get the brownies out of the oven safely. How better to celebrate such a huge accomplishment than with warm brownies and milk?

Just as a reminder that Mother Nature makes her own rules, we had a hard frost last week and lost the tomato plants in spite of having them covered. I'm not sure, but one of my hardy fuchsias may have succumbed, as well. Today, Boyo offered to go to the nursery and get replacement tomatoes, so Dearest fixed him up with money, the plant markers (as we had four different varieties) and a way to carry the plants the half mile safely home. Girlie decided she wanted to go along, and took some of her own money to buy more pansies. It's a great feeling when the kids do something just a bit out of my comfort zone and we all celebrate their success!

A timely find!

I'm pretty excited about a book I recently found on the fundraiser cart at the learning center where Girlie takes her social skills classes. I knew from the first page that this book will be invaluable.

When the weather is mild I love to be outside, and lately I've had a few quiet opportunities to sit outside knitting and listening to audiobooks. I've wondered if there is a limit to what I'm willing to knit, but no - in fact - I haven't found it yet. To that end, I have to say that my mp3 player is an important part of my life, and I'm willing to put forth some effort into keeping it safe and the earbud cords untangled.

'Untangled' is a great free pattern available on Ravelry!

What's next? You just never know!

Sunny Days!

We managed to get away to Hansville for a couple days and it went pretty well. Boyo sometimes has a hard time with anxiety when we're this far out of our routine, which is reflected in his behavior, but it wasn't too bad. I finished the wool vest for Dearest after stopping at my favorite yarn shop to buy buttons, and treated myself to a skein of alpaca/silk blend yarn and a pattern to go with it.

The proprietor of my favorite yarn store really knows her buttons - these are perfect!

We had some sun, and Dearest and kiddos had plenty of beach time, which included finding several agates (Girlie found an unusually large one, which are rare)...

Girie found a large agate this time, and Boyo found two small 'red' agates

...and even the fossilized tooth of a woolly mammoth, as confirmed by the Burke Museum of Natural History and Culture!

A view of the chewing surface of the tooth

This image from Wikipedia compares the jaw of a mammoth and that of an Indian elephant. Hardly any change over thousands of years of evolution, so apparently the design works.

We also went to Port Gamble so the kids could see the shell museum, and of course we were able to do a lot of eagle watching on this trip, and even had a rare glimpse of a pod of harbor porpoise!

It's been a busy week, and we're finishing it up with a little more spring cleaning. Dearest is even washing the windows - let the sun shine in!

Spring Break

Spring break had an... interesting start.  After the last appointment/class/obligation before we could officially declare the start of spring break, the battery in my van failed utterly, leaving me stranded with the kiddos in Olympia.  Could have been worse - Dearest was scheduled to get off work within a few minutes, so he was able to come and save the day, get the van started, and we all got home.  The battery was replaced forthwith, but I can't help feeling a little anxious, as the last three trips or events I have looked forward to have been canceled - one due to a failed ignition coil en route - and I don't want to miss another trip to Hansville!

There is hustle and bustle going on right now: a bit of spring cleaning, reorganizing, and planning.  There is also a lot of 'wet' outside, so that will limit some of what we had planned to do, as it's generally not considered wise to use power tools in the rain. Olympia set a rainfall record for March 29 with 1.98 inches, and our year-to-date is 7.79 inches; more than two inches above normal.

Speaking of an increase in numbers, a USA Today article states the CDC released a report that the incidence of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in the US is up to 1 in 88 children, which is up 78% from 2002.  This leaves me, like many other folks, with a lot of questions - number one being: Why?  There is also the little matter of funding and coverage for therapies, which is still lacking in spite of the clear and obvious need.

Time to get going on my part of the list of things to do today, but I'll leave you with a little hint of hope for the future :-)

Raindrops on the Flowering Pear buds

Working Through It

After days of math misery and a session of after-school help, we've made it through the latest rough patch. Boyo is doing all right for the moment, and so is Girlie. In fact, the midterm reports that came home the other day looked great!

We'll be in the midst of birthday season, shortly, and Dearest and I aren't sure where that will lead us. A time for fun and celebrating, right? So one might hope, but we never know - in fact, the expectations leading up to the day can result in a crash of epic proportions so we try to keep things as low-key as possible. 

It can be difficult to achieve a celebratory feel that is satisfying to a child when the usual birthday party agenda doesn't fit the family. Fortunately, spring break falls between their birthdays and we try to have some very special combined event - this year it may be a trip to the zoo and the beach, since Dearest will be on vacation for the whole week! :-)

I'll leave you with a cartoon that ticks all the boxes for me: knitting, math jokes, and clever word-play. Have a great weekend!

Frazz Comic Strip - 2/25/12

Ch-ch-changes

Changes can be difficult in any family.  I think it's part of the human condition, to sometimes prefer being in the comfortable rut to which we're accustomed, rather than facing the strange or the unknown and getting used to something different.

Only the really big changes matter, right?  No; in fact, I've written before about some of the particular troubles we've had in our family and the stresses we've had with 'little things' like changing furniture arrangements, sitting in a different position at the dining table, getting a new pair of shoes... Just imagine the difficulty in some of the bigger changes like Mom and Dad becoming grandparents!  We're working on another big change, but taking it slow - I'm starting the process of going back to work.

I mentioned this in a post a month ago, and weather delays notwithstanding, we're finally about to hit the launch button.  Even though I'll be working during school hours, Boyo is aware that I won't be at home and this causes some anxiety.  Now that both kids are in middle school, we've been experimenting with leaving them home, either separately or together, for as much as a couple hours at a time.  I'm glad we started when we did, knowing this time would come eventually, and it will be really important by the time school is out for the summer.  It will only be a few hours one or two days a week, but the kids will have to be well used to it by then and know it's part of the family routine.

Another change is happening next week, too: Dearest is starting a new schedule. This isn't completely unusual; his schedule could potentially change every four months, but it often does not, and he ends up with the same routes for another rotation.  This time, his schedule change means a disruption of what the kids have been accustomed to for the last eight months and will require some adjustments in dinner times and transportation to lessons and classes.

Changes are opportunities for learning and for teaching.  Change, whether it's good or bad, gives us an opportunity to be flexible and experience growth.  Seems to have worked out all right for David Bowie...

One of the things I like best about this video is the very talented Gail Ann Dorsey is playing bass, and Dearest and I saw her when she played with The B-52s during the 2010 Summer Concert Series at Chateau Ste-Michelle.

J is for...

Judicious: having, showing, or done with good judgment or sense.

Full disclosure – I have a bag of tricks that include incentive, encouragement, and metaphors.  These are very complicated techniques that may sometimes appear to be bribery, manipulation, and lies.  All used judiciously, and always for the purpose of achieving a positive outcome as often as possible.

For instance, it would be to no one’s benefit for Girlie to be told there is no Santa Claus.  She’s 13; I don’t know for sure what she believes in her heart, but we aren’t saying anything one way or the other.  When she called Dearest and I together the other evening and tearfully voiced her concerns that she and her brother were on the Naughty List, I did not rush to tell her there was no such thing.  Dearest and I said we didn’t think there was anything to worry about; on the contrary, she and her brother have done pretty well lately, and as long as she keeps doing her best, she’ll be fine.  I believe she felt placated, and we didn’t once mention Santa’s name.

Mealtimes are often fraught with tension.  I struggle with it, but dinner is my least favorite meal of the day, in many ways.  There is no such thing as cooking a meal and putting it on the table for all to enjoy, unless it’s half pepperoni, half Hawaiian pizza.  There either has to be separate foods (something from Girlie’s very short list) or we have to prepare ourselves for conflict.  This is where I most often use incentive and encouragement, and if my teeth are gritted behind my smile it’s better than someone stomping away from the table in a huff (and yes, it’s been me on occasion).  Since Girlie is so underweight we can’t just let her refuse to eat; unlike a neurotypical child, she won’t give in and eat when she gets hungry. 

I try, every day, to make sure there is something she likes or at least has a grudging willingness to eat if covered with enough ketchup.  Girlie has mastered the avoidance technique by engaging someone – anyone – in conversation to avoid eating foods she doesn’t like.  She’s a slow eater, too, and will often be at the table for over an hour while Boyo is waiting to watch a bit of television, which we can’t do while Girlie is at the table because she’ll sit with food on her half-raised fork and never get it to her mouth.  Yes, we have some regrets about establishing a ‘habit’ of dessert, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

Do our techniques always work?  No – in fact, something that probably started off as avoiding a conversation about the Easter Bunny almost ended in what would likely have been a 5^th grade social disaster.  I can’t remember how it morphed into a legendary tale, but it involved Jackalopes, a favorite 'symbol' of the West in my family.  Boyo was sitting at the computer one day last spring and we were discussing eggs, because he was working on his science fair project.  Somehow, past conversations had completely transformed in his head; it seems he was looking for information on whether the Jackalopes had antlers because they were guardians of Easter eggs.  Whoops…

My knitted, felted Jackalope bag - with a (Jackalope?) antler button!  :-)