Dark Days

Over half-way through spring, and the end of the school year is in sight - happy days, right? No, in fact, the end of the school year brings some difficult times (cue dramatic music)... state-mandated testing. Not only has it become the focus for the teachers, as they now have to teach to curricula aimed at the tests without allowance for variation in teaching styles or methods; there is such frequent mention to the kids about the importance of testing that it raises the stress ante out of proportion. How sad. It becomes especially difficult for the kiddos who struggle to maintain their academic level, and missing class time due to testing creates problems with finishing current assignments, so grades drop due to late assignments.

A word to the wise:  stay in contact with the teachers and counselors. Girlie is really sad about taking such a dramatic hit to her math grade after struggling all year to stay at grade level, and this is the first time she has really indicated caring about grades at all.

The recent eclipse brought some concern; at least, all the discussion about it did. Imagine hearing phrases such as, "ring of fire" and "moon obscuring the sun" if you are the kind of person who doesn't realize that questions can be asked of others when one is anxious. As it turned out, we saw very little evidence that it happened at all, since it was so rainy and overcast here.

Something with great potential has happened, but it's too soon to get my hopes up: since Girlie has shown some interest in cooking and food preparation, she has become willing to dish up her own dinner and agrees to have at least a few bites of what is prepared (without argument, because she is serving herself!) before fixing her own alternative meal. This could mean I can make anything for dinner, without regard to the potential for tantrums, and not have to prepare a completely separate meal for Girlie. In my wildest fantasies I can imagine never again witnessing a screaming, fist-pounding, hair-pulling, face-hitting meltdown at the dinner table. It's only been a week since the last one, though, so the visual is still pretty vivid. 

It's well documented that folks with chronic health issues, especially inflammatory and/or auto-immune conditions, are prone to occasional difficulties with depression, which can lead to a withdrawal from social activities and involvement. These problems can be exacerbated by stress, but that's all I'm going to say about that.

A final note: I think we're past the worst of the pollen that has been so tough on Girlie this year. We live in a pretty heavily-treed area so I don't know if it is the fir or the maple that affects her the most, and I think they run about the same time frame. Here is what two days of accumulation looks like on the car - no wonder Girlie could hardly breathe through the congestion! Bad timing, considering the testing at school, since she finds it much more difficult to sleep and concentrate, but I think we're over the hump in a lot of ways at our house.

You Just Never Know!

It never fails; about the time I think nothing changes, something changes.

Girlie is starting to get interested in food preparation and cooking. I've wanted this to happen for a long time, albeit with a few reservations due to our propensity for dyspraxia-related mishaps. Still, there is no shortage of cleaning supplies in this house!

Last week while I was gone Girlie asked Dearest to help her make noodles (meaning, 'boil some pasta'), and the household was buzzing with excitement when I came home. Most recently, she turned down a chance to go swimming and asked if she could make brownies. That was much more involved because, not only was there a list of ingredients, Girlie had to figure out how to halve them because we only wanted a small pan rather than the huge quantity the recipe makes. She even managed to get the brownies out of the oven safely. How better to celebrate such a huge accomplishment than with warm brownies and milk?

Just as a reminder that Mother Nature makes her own rules, we had a hard frost last week and lost the tomato plants in spite of having them covered. I'm not sure, but one of my hardy fuchsias may have succumbed, as well. Today, Boyo offered to go to the nursery and get replacement tomatoes, so Dearest fixed him up with money, the plant markers (as we had four different varieties) and a way to carry the plants the half mile safely home. Girlie decided she wanted to go along, and took some of her own money to buy more pansies. It's a great feeling when the kids do something just a bit out of my comfort zone and we all celebrate their success!

A timely find!

I'm pretty excited about a book I recently found on the fundraiser cart at the learning center where Girlie takes her social skills classes. I knew from the first page that this book will be invaluable.

When the weather is mild I love to be outside, and lately I've had a few quiet opportunities to sit outside knitting and listening to audiobooks. I've wondered if there is a limit to what I'm willing to knit, but no - in fact - I haven't found it yet. To that end, I have to say that my mp3 player is an important part of my life, and I'm willing to put forth some effort into keeping it safe and the earbud cords untangled.

'Untangled' is a great free pattern available on Ravelry!

What's next? You just never know!

Eat!

One of the most common sources of conflict in this house is over food.  How sad is that?  Over the years I’ve learned a lot and am working hard on letting go of the emotional aspect from my side of the table. 

Girlie has a very short list of acceptable foods.  She is often unable to describe why she doesn’t like a particular food or drink, and there are no allergies or sensitivities we are aware of, so that makes it difficult to identify a reasonable substitute.  It might be less of a concern if she weren’t also very underweight – she isn’t even on the weight-for-height chart and she consistently lost weight in 2011, only finally having gained at the end to break even at the December appointment.  With that in mind, wouldn’t it make sense to let her eat as much of whatever she wants?  No – in fact, her favorite foods are white bread and plain tortillas, and I bet you can guess what happens if you don’t follow those up with enough liquid and fiber.

We know the tricks.  We sneak in calories, vegetables, and fiber whenever and wherever we can.  Girlie can ‘feel’ the difference between whole milk and 2%.  As much as she loves peanut butter, it has to be spread so thin you can see the bread or graham cracker through it.  She only recently began accepting the thinnest layer of butter on bread, pancakes, or waffles.  She doesn’t like most meats, so no bacon or sausage.  This is not a situation that can be remedied by the old standard, "You'll eat it when you get hungry enough".  Like most children with autism-related food issues, she won't.

One of the things Girlie likes best is what she thinks of as tomato soup; actually it is heated V-8 juice.  Before you ask, no; we can’t add cream to boost the fat and calories.  We’re very thankful that she is getting a serving of vegetables out of it, but we can’t let her have it every day because we have a history of the ‘Bread and Jam for Frances’ phenomenon happening with other foods that were either high in nutrition or high in caloric content, which she won’t eat now because we let her have it too often.

There is an added aspect to the challenge: piling the calories and (gasp!) fat into her goes against everything I’ve learned in order to keep my family healthy!  And waste not, want not, don’t you know – so when Dearest stops at the San Francisco Street Bakery and brings home chocolate covered macaroons in a failed effort to tempt her, I feel a certain amount of obligation to step up to the, um… plate.

Ah, well.  Knitting helps; it helps me smooth out the effects of stress and keeps my hands busy, with no desire to add such things as chocolate or cheesy powder into the project.  I suppose I can afford a pickle…

'Christmas Pickle' ornament knitted with KnitPicks Palette

J is for...

Judicious: having, showing, or done with good judgment or sense.

Full disclosure – I have a bag of tricks that include incentive, encouragement, and metaphors.  These are very complicated techniques that may sometimes appear to be bribery, manipulation, and lies.  All used judiciously, and always for the purpose of achieving a positive outcome as often as possible.

For instance, it would be to no one’s benefit for Girlie to be told there is no Santa Claus.  She’s 13; I don’t know for sure what she believes in her heart, but we aren’t saying anything one way or the other.  When she called Dearest and I together the other evening and tearfully voiced her concerns that she and her brother were on the Naughty List, I did not rush to tell her there was no such thing.  Dearest and I said we didn’t think there was anything to worry about; on the contrary, she and her brother have done pretty well lately, and as long as she keeps doing her best, she’ll be fine.  I believe she felt placated, and we didn’t once mention Santa’s name.

Mealtimes are often fraught with tension.  I struggle with it, but dinner is my least favorite meal of the day, in many ways.  There is no such thing as cooking a meal and putting it on the table for all to enjoy, unless it’s half pepperoni, half Hawaiian pizza.  There either has to be separate foods (something from Girlie’s very short list) or we have to prepare ourselves for conflict.  This is where I most often use incentive and encouragement, and if my teeth are gritted behind my smile it’s better than someone stomping away from the table in a huff (and yes, it’s been me on occasion).  Since Girlie is so underweight we can’t just let her refuse to eat; unlike a neurotypical child, she won’t give in and eat when she gets hungry. 

I try, every day, to make sure there is something she likes or at least has a grudging willingness to eat if covered with enough ketchup.  Girlie has mastered the avoidance technique by engaging someone – anyone – in conversation to avoid eating foods she doesn’t like.  She’s a slow eater, too, and will often be at the table for over an hour while Boyo is waiting to watch a bit of television, which we can’t do while Girlie is at the table because she’ll sit with food on her half-raised fork and never get it to her mouth.  Yes, we have some regrets about establishing a ‘habit’ of dessert, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

Do our techniques always work?  No – in fact, something that probably started off as avoiding a conversation about the Easter Bunny almost ended in what would likely have been a 5^th grade social disaster.  I can’t remember how it morphed into a legendary tale, but it involved Jackalopes, a favorite 'symbol' of the West in my family.  Boyo was sitting at the computer one day last spring and we were discussing eggs, because he was working on his science fair project.  Somehow, past conversations had completely transformed in his head; it seems he was looking for information on whether the Jackalopes had antlers because they were guardians of Easter eggs.  Whoops…

My knitted, felted Jackalope bag - with a (Jackalope?) antler button!  :-)