Time flies!

Goodness, how did a month go by already?

Since my last post I have logged ten knitting/crochet projects totaling 1,640 yards of yarn (nearly a mile!), and made more progress on my sweater (which often gets set aside to complete something with a little quicker gratification).  There have also been a few projects started that weren't going to work out right so they were undone.  I don't consider that a waste of time, though - there is always something I can learn about using different yarn or needles, or whether it's really the kind of knitting I wanted to do.  Sometimes I'm so captivated by a knitted item I decide I must do it, without taking into consideration that it incorporates a style or method I really don't care for.  Here is one that I couldn't resist, even if it does get a bit fiddly: a Norwegian baby hat that I knitted for a new great niece.  DW has been a great model for some of my projects and she always shows things off to great advantage :-)

Norwegian Sweet Baby Cap

Both kids are doing all right, alternating between sailing along and struggling in rough seas depending on the day or issue.  Girlie will get to ride in the equine therapy program through December (which she loves) until they quit for the winter.  Boyo is busy with preparations for The Nutcracker and looking forward to starting basketball.  This will be the first time he has been involved in an organized school sport and we hope for the best.

My mother's live-in caregiver left unexpectedly so there was a bit of a flurry trying to decide how best to handle it, and several meetings and long emails/phone conversations with siblings.  At this point I think I'll call it 'so far, so good', and leave it at that.

We are preparing for an IEP meeting next week with Girlie's team and I'm sure a lot of the focus will be on how best to work on transitioning her toward high school (eep!) next fall.  That, and the holidays fast approaching with extra rehearsals, tech week, gift and charity knitting, and starting basketball practices is quite enough to be going with for the moment!  We'll concentrate on the good parts because, after all, time flies whether we're having fun or not!

Let the Games Begin!

Well, really, the games are nearly over, and that's partly why I haven't written lately. This is the first year the kids have shown any interest in The Olympic Games so we've been watching for a while every evening, and the kids are watching some events in the morning, as well. Girlie has been interested in equestrian events - big surprise, huh? No; in fact, she is about all things 'horse' and has been enjoying riding again lately in the HeartStrides Therapeutic Riding and Horsemanship program at Healing Hearts Ranch. We discovered in the two years since we'd been there that the ranch owner has become a Centered Riding instructor - a method that was developed by Sally Swift who happens to have been one of Dearest's relatives! I'd like to think she'd be pleased to know that she has reached out to help us, in another of those little ways in which we are all connected.

School starts in three weeks, but it hardly feels we've had time off because Boyo chose to continue with ballet and music lessons through the summer. Next week at The Southwest Washington Fair there will be a sneak peek of some of the dances being prepared for the October production of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice". Boyo spent last weekend working hard with the Wenatchee Youth Circus when they came to the Thousand Trails Campground in Chehalis. The kids do a lot of the set up - pounding stakes, raising awnings and apparatus - then he joined them as part of a performance!

With all the busy-ness going on, my knitting has taken a back seat, and I miss it! Ravelry puts on some fun events around the theme of the Olympic games (formerly known as Ravelympics; now known as The Ravellenic Games), wherein one is part of a virtual team and joins in with a knitting project named tongue-in-cheek for an Olympic event. Although I did earn a couple of 'medals' in the 2010 games, I'm not sure if I'll accomplish as much this year.  Oh, well - at least I finished my first pair of gloves a couple weeks ago.  So: on my mark, get set, keep going!  :-)

Needs Must

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" Leonard Nimoy as Spock in 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', 1982.

Probably one of  Spock's most famous lines, right up there with "Live long and Prosper" and "Illogical".  Captain Kirk's shaky reply was, "Or the one."  It was obvious that Spock's self-sacrifice was the only way to save everyone else.

Moms get this.  It's what we do, right?  It's the hallmark of a good mom, right?  No. In fact, it can be a sign of impending doom before becoming a (hopefully only temporarily) broken mom.  Many women are raised with a 'needs must' attitude, and the belief that we must get the job done no matter what the cost to our personal health or emotional well-being.  Otherwise, we fear being thought of as selfish or inadequate if others perceive we are putting our own needs before those of our families.

Guess what? You are not going to be capable of giving your best help and support if you are at less than your best.  Worst-case scenario, a woman can allow herself to be driven to the point of emotional implosion and/or serious illness, no longer able to provide for herself or anyone else. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't happening a lot more often than we think.

There is a balance.  We need to raise our children - especially our daughters - to listen to their needs in a productive way.  Not because we want them to lie around on the couch playing video games, but because a little solitary time weeding the garden or shooting a few hoops, reading, quiet time/meditation - or knitting! - is an effective way to regroup and gather one's energies after a class or meeting.  Teach them to know what that is, and how to value it as a tool of good self-care.

If caring only for others can leave us drained and unwell, and caring only for ourselves makes us selfish, it makes sense that striking a balance is the only way to be healthy and whole. What greater gift can we give our children?

One nice way to take care of oneself is with a hot water bottle to sooth away
the aches and pains of too much gardening or yard work! This is my slightly
tweaked version of the Cabled Hot Water Bottle Cosy by Alexis Layton,
a free pattern on Ravelry!

Wait... What Break?

Wow, last week was busy! Work meetings, music lessons, marching practice, ballet rehearsals, parade, recital... and a bunny?  Yes - Girlie and I fell in love with this fellow at the parade and he had to come home with us. He is a four-month-old Lionhead mix crossed with a Flemish Giant, so is likely to end up somewhere between medium and large (I think he has 'medium' covered already).

Calm and comfortable bunny!

Basking in our moment of sunshine

I named him Albus as he instantly reminded me of Dumbledore as portrayed by Richard Harris.

Boyo did a great job marching in his first parade and the ballet recital was excellent; the ballet academy has grown and accomplished so much in three years! Rehearsals for the fall production start next week, as do the tumbling classes, and Boyo informed me today he wants to continue his piano and trumpet lessons through the summer.

Girlie was excited to find out today that she will get to do some horseback riding again this summer! It's been a while, but the ranch has added a new intermediate program that sounds perfect for her. Therapeutic riding has amazing effects on people with cognitive, physical, or neurological challenges - so much so that some insurance companies are finally starting to recognize the value of hippotherapy!

Too busy to knit? No - in fact I have several projects going (of course) and am currently knitting my first pair of gloves (along with a test knit for a designer friend, a pair of stranded mittens, Boyo's socks...). This is a custom kettle-dyed black tonal merino/cashmere/nylon sock yarn that I over-dyed to have the red and blue flecking. I'm really happy with how the project is looking!

'Most Basic Gloves' pattern by Nicole Elizabeth

Yes, we're busy, and sometimes it feels like a bit more activity than I'd prefer, but I'm savoring the moments while these kiddos are happy. What more could a parent ask for?  :-)

Spring Fever!

We all have it. And it's about time! We had more periods of severe (for us) weather than usual this winter, and spring has finally begun showing up in the buds on my ornamental pear and other flowering trees, the daffodils in full bloom, the decreasing number of birds at our feeders, and the repetitive THWACK! and Sproing! noise of a basketball being dribbled and bounced off the rim in the driveway. Today was beautiful, and I was able to take this shot of tiny purple anenome flowers amongst the relatively giant daffodils. I have to admit I'm pretty impressed with the photo considering grandson Milo, who is now four-and-a-half months old and getting very grabby, 'helped' me take it.

Dearest spent a lot of time turning over the raised beds, and Girlie will be out carefully checking on her 'baby' trees and the volunteer snapdragons she lovingly took out of the vegetable garden last fall and planted in pots. I ponied up for new garden gloves (Costco has packs of SIX PAIRS of nitrile coated gloves for $7.99 - about what you'd pay for two pairs in a hardware store) because I can't stand it when the dirt starts getting caked on the inside of the fingertips. I'm not a habitual gardener, but I do love cleaning out my few bulb and peony planters in the spring, with an earbud playing an audiobook in one ear and birds singing courtship songs in the other.

Sounds like all is right with the world, yes? No. In fact, Girlie will be saying good-bye to The Pup at the end of April after all. He is going back to California early because he is large and smart and needs expert schooling - he has the makings of an exceptional guide dog, but his 'teenage rebellion' is hard to handle in a family setting. Reportedly, at least one of his litter mates is in the same situation. Guide dogs are bred to have initiative, and to show 'intelligent disobedience'. Consider this - if something unexpected is in the road and the blind handler tells the dog to go forward, the dog has to be smart enough to force the handler into a different, safer path. (Not all dogs will do that; some are dropped from the program because they don't have enough initiative to disobey when necessary.) But when that dog is a young upstart with a sassy attitude, he learns very quickly that he can try to boss some of his family members around, and it's clear that he needs a real job before he gets in trouble. 

Our coordinator came to talk with Girlie today and show her a few more tricks to handle The Pup for the next several weeks before he goes. She also asked Girlie to continue with the program even after The Pup leaves, by helping handle the coordinator's new puppy-in-training while she's leading the classes (it's great how the promise of puppy cuddles can take some of the sting out of a problem!). The Pup will still be here to help Girlie celebrate her 14th birthday next month, and they'll get to go on one more training outing together with the group. Girlie will be fine, in the long run, but I'm stocking up on Kleenex because she is already tearing up at random times when she thinks about him leaving. Thankfully it will happen at a time of year when there are so many other things that Girlie loves capturing her attention.

Spring fever affects my knitting, too - who wants to think about winter knits when it's finally warm enough to take my sweater off? I fell in love with this Mini Mania Scarf pattern and decided to knit it as a table runner with all my left over sock yarn. I've never knitted linen stitch before and I absolutely love it; it's repetitive and soothing (that means 'boring' to many knitters), but very fun to see the color development. I always want to keep knitting to see what will happen when I add the next yarn!

300 stitches wide, about 1.5 inches of fabric so far, using 7 different sock yarns.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

This is a busy week for us, as Boyo is preparing for a ballet recital on Saturday - that means rehearsal every day except Wednesday.  Dearest changed schedules this week, so we're in adjustment mode for that, as well.

After last week, we had a talk with Girlie about our difficult mornings.  I have it on good authority we are not the only family that has trouble getting a kiddo on the spectrum moving in the morning, but we must have some improvement.  The rules we had established gradually fell by the wayside until Girlie would still be sitting at the breakfast table without socks on when the bus showed up, after spending much of the previous half hour in a nasty, vicious mood, then heading out to the bus crying because she'd been hurried.

Because of Dearest's schedule changing, he won't be rushing to get ready for work, so that should help keep the situation more calm in the morning.  We talked with Girlie about our expectations in the evening before bedtime, too.  I'm not holding my breath, but I am feeling optimistic.  Of course, I always do :-)

Boyo worked on math all weekend.  After missing out on a chance to stay after school to play floor hockey last week due to a failing grade in one class, and being told he will be staying after school for homework help in math this week, he's making an effort.  In exchanging a few emails with teachers, it seems Boyo is having trouble keeping things organized and turning in assignments in a few of his classes, and his grades are beginning to reflect the problem.  One thing in his favor is that the grades provide some motivation for him, unlike with Girlie, who either couldn't see the connection or couldn't be bothered to care.

So, we have some specific things to work on this week, places to go, people to see, the arts to appreciate.  I have a couple of requested items on the needles at the moment, one of which is a dog sweater.  Better get busy!*

Another great ecard from Lion Brand!

*Just so you know, I can never think of that phrase in the same way since I learned it is always the code phrase when training guide dog pups to relieve on command :-)

Better Luck Next Time...

We had a bit of a disappointment today - our van had engine trouble about thirty minutes into the trip.  Fortunately, we were able to exit the freeway and get to a phone book so Dearest could call a mechanic.  After finding one that would be able to diagnose the problem, we limped back down I-5 to Lacey where the rock stars at Hawk's Prairie Automotive had us up and running in less than three hours!


Unfortunately, it was too late to continue on to Hansville.  One would imagine hanging around a repair shop for hours with both kids and The Pup was crazy, right?  But no - in fact, everyone was great, especially under the circumstances!  Thankfully we had video games with us; I wouldn't like to speculate on how it would have been otherwise.  We were able to whisper about game progress and what was on the television (a twenty-four hour news channel, which served to remind Dearest and I why we don't watch the news), and knit. You didn't think I'd miss an opportunity like that, did you? :-)

I made some progress on my Little Exuviae sock, a free pattern
by Lara Neel. I'm knitting it in Kraemer Sterling Silk & Silver
(ooh, sparkly!)

Anyway, we ended up spending a quiet evening at home during which the kids continued to get along with each other and play their card game again.  In spite of missing another opportunity to go to Hansville, we all recognized things could have been much worse.  Dearest and I were pleased with the way things turned out, and so proud of the kiddos.  We'll try again soon; maybe next weekend.  Wish us luck!

Parenting Rules

Dearest and I break the ‘rules’ all the time.  Seriously.

We are not above using a promise of screen time (TV, computer, or video games) to coerce persuade Boyo to practice the piano for a little longer.  We delay dessert until after shower time to bribe encourage Girlie to take a faster-than-she-would-otherwise shower.  I’d like to think the way we phrase our requests makes it less obvious: “You can play a game after you practice for about 10 more minutes,” and, “Hurry up and take a quick shower so you’ll have time for dessert.”

Do we believe this is always the right thing to do?  No; in fact, sometimes I question our decisions, wondering whether the kids hold out for rewards before doing what they should do, anyway.  I don’t know if there is a concrete answer.  Maybe it will help them learn the value of delayed gratification, though.  When it comes to doing chores, Dearest and I have always advocated getting them done before going on to other things, so we can enjoy ourselves without extra responsibilities hanging over us.  We already know that it takes our kiddos longer than many kids to learn concepts, and our way of teaching them seems very repetitive and sometimes overly simplistic – as if we are still raising preschool-aged kids.

Whether it entirely fits with conventional parenting wisdom or not, we know that the best thing for our family is to find the best thing for our family.  Even if we have to manipulate make a few tweaks to the rules.

Kraemer Sterling Silk & Silver in 'Red Carpet'

Speaking of delayed gratification, I’ve been waiting weeks to cast on a particular pair of socks because a Ravelry group I’m in (Ankh-Morpork Knitter's Guild - all fans of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books) holds “Guild Wars”.  We took a break over the holidays but the new round starts February 1.  In anticipation of starting a new project I’ve been very good about finishing up other projects – and I’m really excited to get started with this yarn!  See that sparkle?  That’s 2% silver!  I’ll be knitting ‘Little Exuviae’ socks, a free pattern by Lara Neel of “Math4Knitters”

B is for...

Best-laid plans.

"The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley" Robert Burns, 1785

It’s very easy to make assumptions about what ‘normal’ families do.  It’s also easy to assume that, just because a thing is what was always done, we should continue to do it.  Trust me – before you figure it out, that way madness lies.

When the two youngest kids were much younger, we did the things that families do: going to other folks’ homes, grocery shopping, eating out, running errands in the car.  Infallibly, disaster would strike during the outing (like refusing to leave the car, fighting for freedom, biting to avoid hand-holding, running away), or a ticking time bomb would explode when we returned home.  There would be violent tantrums, meltdowns, insomnia, or terrors.

We started noticing the symptoms of anxiety, realizing that public noises were startling and intolerable, and so much visual input was overloading senses.  Eventually we stopped taking the kids out.  It meant grocery shopping had to be done by Dearest, most of the time.  It meant volunteerism could only happen if there was a parent available to stay with the kids, because even if child care was provided at meetings, my kiddos couldn’t tolerate it.  Shopping started to be almost exclusively done online, even for some of the staple groceries.  Any deviation from the home routine had to be arranged with utmost care, and always with an ‘out’ in place, so that we could leave immediately if necessary.

I spent more time finding websites where I could research the most pertinent information (and for prenatal methamphetamine exposure, there wasn’t much!), and taking all the online classes offered to foster and adoptive parents.  I read.  A lot.

We’re not a ‘normal’ family.  Was it unexpected to think we would be?  No, in fact, I have two older children.  I had first-hand experience about what families do, taking children in public, going out to restaurants, traveling to visit family members, even going to theaters to see live performances.  With a three-year-old.  Really.

In a quiet moment, a realization came – our family will be the hub of the wheel.  It’s all right to watch the activity happen around us, and we can be gathered together, securely in the center, and watch if we want, or turn our faces inward when it becomes too much.  We discovered that, even if ‘everyone else is doing it’, it may not be what works best for our family.

Considering I spend so much time at this computer, you can bet I look at a lot of knitting patterns.  Sometimes I see one that strikes a spark in me, and I fall in love with it.  The Emmaline sweater is one such pattern.  I chose my yarn carefully and couldn’t wait to receive it.  I even swatched for this sweater, mind you; eagerly cast on and started knitting.  The yarn I chose was lovely to knit with and I knitted happily… 

When an unwelcome thought started niggling at the back of my head I at first pushed it away, but it had to be faced: this sweater is not going to work for me.  Ever.  It isn’t the right style, and at this point in my life I wouldn’t have been able to tolerate much more than a tank top, even in winter – how could I have ever contemplated wearing a sweater knit with bulky yarn?

I removed the needle from my knitting resignedly and rolled the raveled yarn into a ball.  It felt like the right thing to do, even though it wasn’t the easy thing to do.  Changing plans can be like that, sometimes.  Telling the family you can’t come to a gathering, turning down offers for social events, realizing that a family dinner in a restaurant is not a treat for anyone – those things can be hard to swallow, at first.  The enlightenment, when it comes, is a relief; the realization that you don’t have to keep putting effort into a plan that was never going to work in the first place, and that changing that plan is not equal to failure.  When we accept our differences and realize that the real best-laid plan is the one we make with foresight and honesty about the result, we can give the yarn to someone for whom it’s much better suited, and knit another pair of socks.  J