Needs Must

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" Leonard Nimoy as Spock in 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', 1982.

Probably one of  Spock's most famous lines, right up there with "Live long and Prosper" and "Illogical".  Captain Kirk's shaky reply was, "Or the one."  It was obvious that Spock's self-sacrifice was the only way to save everyone else.

Moms get this.  It's what we do, right?  It's the hallmark of a good mom, right?  No. In fact, it can be a sign of impending doom before becoming a (hopefully only temporarily) broken mom.  Many women are raised with a 'needs must' attitude, and the belief that we must get the job done no matter what the cost to our personal health or emotional well-being.  Otherwise, we fear being thought of as selfish or inadequate if others perceive we are putting our own needs before those of our families.

Guess what? You are not going to be capable of giving your best help and support if you are at less than your best.  Worst-case scenario, a woman can allow herself to be driven to the point of emotional implosion and/or serious illness, no longer able to provide for herself or anyone else. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't happening a lot more often than we think.

There is a balance.  We need to raise our children - especially our daughters - to listen to their needs in a productive way.  Not because we want them to lie around on the couch playing video games, but because a little solitary time weeding the garden or shooting a few hoops, reading, quiet time/meditation - or knitting! - is an effective way to regroup and gather one's energies after a class or meeting.  Teach them to know what that is, and how to value it as a tool of good self-care.

If caring only for others can leave us drained and unwell, and caring only for ourselves makes us selfish, it makes sense that striking a balance is the only way to be healthy and whole. What greater gift can we give our children?

One nice way to take care of oneself is with a hot water bottle to sooth away
the aches and pains of too much gardening or yard work! This is my slightly
tweaked version of the Cabled Hot Water Bottle Cosy by Alexis Layton,
a free pattern on Ravelry!

Accommodations

Accommodations:

1. The act of accommodating or the state of being accommodated; adjustment.

2. Something that meets a need; a convenience.

I’m going to address IEP accommodations purely from a parental point of view.  It’s a word one hears frequently in relation to IEPs and educating kids with special needs.  My familiarity with ‘the system’ stands me in pretty good stead, I think, and we have asked for – and gotten – some great accommodations for Girlie.  However, I think it’s really important to bear in mind that the world, in general, is NOT going to make accommodations for our daughter.

Sadly, I get the impression that Dearest and I are in the minority sometimes when it comes to our involvement in Girlie’s education program.  We do not expect the school district to implement something that would be ideal for Girlie if it would interfere with the education of twenty-five other kids.  We do not expect the teacher to keep her in the classroom if she is a disruption and a distraction (which, thankfully, is rarely the case any more).

It’s important to note that just because IDEA gives us the right to ask for accommodations for our children with challenges, it does not give us the right to demand special treatment that would create a detrimental learning environment for other students.  My responsibility as a parent is to do my best to raise children who are as competent as possible, and prepared to live in a society that, for the most part, expects them to get along as best they can.

Notice the second part of the definition of accommodation: ‘a convenience’.  Yes, there have been times when we could have made some very convenient changes for Girlie’s school day.  What would have been the advantage, in the end?  The most important thing is for her to learn how to make accommodations for the way real life interferes with her needs and expectations, not the other way around.  If Girlie grows up knowing how to be flexible in exercising her rights and practical in asking for accommodations, we will feel very successful!

Merino sheep - Wikipedia

One of the happiest discoveries I’ve made as a knitter is the wonderful accommodating properties of wool.  I don’t know how wool got such a bad rap in the first place; I’m not the only person who automatically thought of itchy wool sweaters, right?  Because there are many varieties of sheep, there are many varieties of wool, and each has its place.  It’s quite true there are some types of wool that are not ideal for sweaters or next-to-the-skin garments; those can be very suitable for outerwear and felted wool items.  There are other varieties, merino probably being best known, that are very soft and fine.  All wool has amazing insulating and moisture wicking abilities, making it my first-choice fiber.  Pointy sticks and wool: doesn't take much to make me happy!