Cat and Mouse

Girlie has a beautiful longhaired Ragdoll-Siamese mix cat.  She is predominantly white with pale calico tortoise markings and gorgeous blue eyes.  Peach – as she is called for the pale, peach-colored areas amongst her markings – is extremely tolerant of being picked up and petted, true to the Ragdoll reputation.  She is also an obsessive and very successful hunter.

Peach and her buddy Ian (Pembroke Welsh Corgi)

I suppose most folks who have indoor/outdoor cats have experienced the generosity of their magnanimous feline friend at some point or another.  Personally, I wish Peach were much more selfish.  I could do without her bringing in dead or nearly dead birds, mice, and snakes.  What we really wish is that she wouldn’t bring in perfectly healthy mice and then let them get away from her.  You might think we’d keep her inside, but no; in fact, Dearest and I were both raised in ‘animals belong outside’ homes, so the idea of a litter box is less attractive than indoor wildlife.

Because it happens fairly regularly, we’ve all gotten used to stopping whatever we’re doing until the mouse is located.  Girlie was the first one to perfect the art of catching a mouse herself, by grabbing a little box she had in her room and clapping it quickly down over the mouse as it ran past her.  One thing about Girlie that is to my mind, a bit unusual, is that she is perfectly willing to deal with any of the cat and dog messes you can imagine (and probably some you can’t) with a businesslike, efficient attitude.  How rare is that for a thirteen-year-old girl?

The best part about it is that I realize her lack of concern when it comes to managing the most unpleasant aspects of pet care is a potential job skill!  Since my oldest son’s first official job was as a kennel assistant at our veterinarian’s office, I know how difficult it can be.  Girlie could do it, and she would be good at it!  It just goes to show that it pays to think out of the box when it comes to future employment planning for children with challenges.

We live in a two story house with the bedrooms upstairs, so you can imagine how surprising it would be to open the bedroom door in the morning and see a live snake coiled on the carpet.  Even more surprising to have it happen more than once!  This knitted snake is a quick, fun scarf for those whose winter fashion is a bit more on the wild side.

Little Viper Scarf, knitted for Boyo in 2009

Weather or Not

Today has been about pacing.  Walking back and forth, sighing, repeatedly going to the door and looking outside, coming back in, walking to the other door to look at the thermometer, coming into the living room to flop backwards onto the couch in order to look out the window, sighing, walking back to the front door and looking outside… Are you feeling exasperated yet? 

Since we live in an area that doesn’t get much snow, it’s a bit of a novelty.  A lot of attention is paid to forecasts because folks tend to get excited and worry about driving conditions.  Schools close if there is more than a couple inches of snow on the ground (but to be fair this is probably due in part to the hilly, curvy nature of the roads in this area).  Needless to say, if there is snow in the forecast, it’s all anyone talks about.

Almost anything can become cause for anxiety in this household.  One of the reasons we do not have commercial television is because of newsbreaks and weather reports, since both kids tend to get concerned and perseverate on them.  This means we have repeated conversations about predictions, possibilities, and preparation.  About every ten minutes.

Do we screen the kids from all the weather reports?  No; in fact we do want them to learn the practical and scientific aspects of our local weather, especially since the area is prone to flooding.  It’s a balancing act between giving the kids information with which to prepare and deciding what can be filtered in the name of (everyone’s) inner peace.

Lace cuff anklet socks in KnitPicks Stroll

This photo was taken last February, and the tree is one of my favorite backdrops for photos in any weather.  I'll be surprised if we get more snow than this; we'll see. Seems like it would be a great excuse to sit by the fire and knit...

Living on the Edge

How do I still not put two and two together when Girlie’s edgy, mouthy, bordering-on-belligerent behavior is manifesting the evening before a trip or event?  As the afternoon passes into evening, it’s as if Girlie is watching for Boyo to put a toe out of line; she chastises, lectures, and nags at him – and us!  Dearest and I were talking about plans for the next day, which happens to be a Puppy Raisers event for Girlie and The Pup two hours away, and getting driving directions and phone numbers written down.  All the while, Girlie is criticizing her brother (who thankfully just got home from a late rehearsal and is in a pretty relaxed and tolerant mood!).  After several reminders that she is working herself up to trouble, I finally just left the room, and it hit me (again): she is acting on nerves!

Girlie is doing very well with raising and training this pup for Guide Dogs of America.  She has been going to monthly training events, all of which have been out of town, and had several weeks of obedience training with him.  Girlie is aware that The Pup is leaving, most likely in April, and she does get sad and occasionally weepy when she thinks about it.  The bigger issue, here, is that the event tomorrow involves a long drive in a lot of traffic and it’s way out of her routine and comfort zone.  Would I deal with it any differently if I realized it sooner?  No, in fact, I think the only difference would be that I wouldn’t get so annoyed, but I still wouldn’t let her talk to anyone else the way she was.  

We had a little conversation about anticipation and feeling nervous, and how that can sometimes affect our behavior in negative ways.  Then I complimented her on the manicure she’d given herself (Surprise! Right out of the blue!) because a little bit of ‘girl talk’ can be just the thing to take the edge off.   :-)

The Pup - Labrador Retriever / Golden Retriever cross, 8 months.

Here is The Pup last August - he has a knitted, felted squeaker toy in this mouth.  It was fun for a (very short) while, but he was at the 'grind-y' stage of teething and apparently that thick wool toy was just the thing to take the edge off.  :-)

The Bar

In our family, the ‘bar’ is set very carefully.  Keeping the goals separate and appropriately placed for each child is a tricky business, and I just realized my methods could stand some scrutiny.  For instance, it wasn’t until I heard a random clip of an interview with Temple Grandin that I realized we’d been neglectful in not introducing Girlie to an alarm clock.  Dr. Grandin stated that, for kids on the autism spectrum, instruction of independent living skills should start early to allow more time for repetitious teaching.

Let’s use the example of a neurotypical teen who is used to being awakened by a parent simply because the whole household gets up at the same time.  If a time comes when Mom and Dad are going on a trip, it is reasonable to think a parent could give the teen an alarm clock the day before, show him how to set it, and feel fairly certain the teen will be awakened by the alarm clock the next morning.  Would that work for a kid on the spectrum?  No; in fact, even though there are plenty of higher-functioning kids who, as older teens, are able to be on their own for a day or two, it does not happen without a lot of preparation and practice.  That’s one of the things that make it difficult for parents of kids with challenges to do anything spontaneously; without ample time to prepare and practice, a child can’t adjust to the proposed scenario.

We need to adjust the bar often; sometimes up, sometimes down.  It doesn’t really matter which way, as long our kiddos are eventually getting over the hurdle!

Here they are: my very first pair of completed socks, knitted in April of 2009.  

Knitted with KnitPicks Felici yarn in discontinued 'Gelato' colorway

These are toddler-sized; I originally set out to knit adult socks and had the first one nearly complete before tearing the whole thing out and starting over because I couldn’t live with the mistakes I’d made.  I had tried to add a bit of colorwork in the heel, so when I started over I omitted that part – lowered the bar, if you will.  I can’t even remember what happened on the second attempt, but that one was frogged, as well.  I decided it would be smart to start with Girlie-sized socks so there would be less work to do, or to undo, as the case may be, because I made a mistake on the first one.  At least I was making a different mistake and learning different lessons each time!  Finally, I decided to knit a toddler-sized pair for my granddaughter.  To get this one little pair of socks I knitted the equivalent of three complete pairs.  There was a lot of adjustment to this particular bar, but I finally cleared it!

Different Strokes

I completely understand why I should encourage my children to value their individuality.  I know there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to fashion, and comfort is sometimes a lot more important.  Having said all that, it’s difficult to know how to communicate to Girlie the importance of making herself less of a target in the middle-school crowd. 

We’ve tried all the tips about encouraging good hair care by buying cute ‘hair pretties’, which she loves, but she still doesn’t want to brush her hair and would be perfectly happy to sit at the table with tangled curls hanging down into her plate.  Since Girlie reached adolescence, she really needs to use deodorant, but doesn’t like it and hasn’t developed the habit yet.  She doesn’t notice or care about body odor, and sometimes I feel like the Pit Police.  Her nails, which grow incredibly fast (given her nutrition level, I don’t understand how she can have nails that would be the envy of many women), are usually not very clean (and I’m trying not to be too graphic, here).  We try to keep her nails clipped, anyway, because it’s dangerous when she’s having a meltdown.

Apparently, it’s another part of my learning curve.  The two older kids were outside the ‘norm’ in the other direction, as they both much preferred to be clean.  The younger two are constantly challenging my olfactory awareness!  If there is a magic formula I hope we find it; otherwise I’ll have to stand at the front door with deodorant and keep some in the van along with the wet wipes.  Is there some sort of badge I can get for that?

Needle felted bookmark made for a friend  (shown in "Snuff" by Terry Pratchett).

Needle felting is definitely a ‘different strokes’ type of thing – I haven’t come across many folks who are familiar with it.  It involves shaping unspun wool (usually, although yarn can be used in some applications of needle felting) with barbed needles so the wool fibers lock together and become permanently felted.  Needle felting can be done with templates (for the leaves I used small cookie cutters meant to cut pie crust), free hand as a three-dimensional object (like the acorn), or to add embellishment or decoration to felted knits.  Check out Laura Lee Burch's blog for some fun and beautiful examples of needle felting, along with tutorials.  There is something satisfying about stabbing barbed needles into bits of fluff and ending up with art that’s just so – different!

 

Eat!

One of the most common sources of conflict in this house is over food.  How sad is that?  Over the years I’ve learned a lot and am working hard on letting go of the emotional aspect from my side of the table. 

Girlie has a very short list of acceptable foods.  She is often unable to describe why she doesn’t like a particular food or drink, and there are no allergies or sensitivities we are aware of, so that makes it difficult to identify a reasonable substitute.  It might be less of a concern if she weren’t also very underweight – she isn’t even on the weight-for-height chart and she consistently lost weight in 2011, only finally having gained at the end to break even at the December appointment.  With that in mind, wouldn’t it make sense to let her eat as much of whatever she wants?  No – in fact, her favorite foods are white bread and plain tortillas, and I bet you can guess what happens if you don’t follow those up with enough liquid and fiber.

We know the tricks.  We sneak in calories, vegetables, and fiber whenever and wherever we can.  Girlie can ‘feel’ the difference between whole milk and 2%.  As much as she loves peanut butter, it has to be spread so thin you can see the bread or graham cracker through it.  She only recently began accepting the thinnest layer of butter on bread, pancakes, or waffles.  She doesn’t like most meats, so no bacon or sausage.  This is not a situation that can be remedied by the old standard, "You'll eat it when you get hungry enough".  Like most children with autism-related food issues, she won't.

One of the things Girlie likes best is what she thinks of as tomato soup; actually it is heated V-8 juice.  Before you ask, no; we can’t add cream to boost the fat and calories.  We’re very thankful that she is getting a serving of vegetables out of it, but we can’t let her have it every day because we have a history of the ‘Bread and Jam for Frances’ phenomenon happening with other foods that were either high in nutrition or high in caloric content, which she won’t eat now because we let her have it too often.

There is an added aspect to the challenge: piling the calories and (gasp!) fat into her goes against everything I’ve learned in order to keep my family healthy!  And waste not, want not, don’t you know – so when Dearest stops at the San Francisco Street Bakery and brings home chocolate covered macaroons in a failed effort to tempt her, I feel a certain amount of obligation to step up to the, um… plate.

Ah, well.  Knitting helps; it helps me smooth out the effects of stress and keeps my hands busy, with no desire to add such things as chocolate or cheesy powder into the project.  I suppose I can afford a pickle…

'Christmas Pickle' ornament knitted with KnitPicks Palette

I don't care...

I am the youngest of the original five children in my family by several years.  You might think my taste in music was far ahead that of my peers, but big families were the norm in my growing-up neighborhood, so most of my peers had several older siblings, too. I could sing all the lyrics to Carole King's 'Tapestry' when I was eight (thanks to my sisters), and I was quite familiar with David Bowie and 'Ziggy Stardust' when I was nine (thanks to my brother and his friends).  I stopped being up-to-the-minute with pop culture music by the time I was out of my teens, though.  Oh, I listened to everything, and sang along, but didn't pay any attention to who was popular and who was falling off the charts.  I like what I like.

I still love Carole King; I believe she has musical genius, and even if she and James Taylor weren't meant to be married, they were meant to be together musically because they express themselves like one soul coming out of two voices and two instruments.  None of that is what I really meant to write about, but there it is.

In 1975, Maurice Sendak and Carole King collaborated on an animated special of Sendak's 1960-62 'Really Rosie'.  I remember it, and parts of it stayed with me always.  Eight years ago I found it on CD and I don't feel the kids have to be around to justify playing it - I like what I like, remember?

Anyone remember the story of 'Pierre'?  That's the boy who didn't care what his parents wanted, he didn't care that a lion came into his house, he didn't care that the lion intended to eat him.  Pierre was clearly oppositional/defiant; he doesn't care about important, or dangerous, or scary things because adults expect him to care.  You will never, ever guess which song is Boyo's favorite on this album.  One might think I'd put the disc away and not let him listen to 'Pierre' eight or nine times in a row.  No, in fact, when we listen to the album together and sing loud and be silly - all the songs, not just 'Pierre' - we have an extended period of closeness and a feeling of calm for a while afterward.

It would likely be that way with any music we both liked, but 'Really Rosie' has that special place in my childish heart, too.  I'd like to think Boyo will eventually have a change of heart like Pierre did before the song ended with the last line, "The moral of Pierre is 'care'".  Think what you like about a grown woman loving children's music so much - I don't care.  :-)

Close up of lion's face from 'The Knitted Tapestry'