Homework

You may be surprised to know that I am unqualified to assist with sixth grade math homework.  Last year, I was not qualified to help with fifth grade math homework.  So it has been, back through the years to third grade level math.  Although this is the opinion of only one person (as far as I know), it is the very person who happens to be in need of my assistance, incapable though I may be.

Some readers may recall I do have a bit of an anxiety issue when it comes to paper-and-pencil math.  Because of this, when helping anyone with homework, I like to check the book.  Chapter introductions help boost my confidence and reassure me that, at least according to the book, I am equal to the task.  Good to know, since it's only been a year ago that I went through sixth grade math homework with Girlie.  Have I 'topped out' in my math skills?  No, in fact, I happen to be doing just fine helping with seventh grade math homework, thank you very much :-)

Yes, there is a bit of tongue-in-cheek going on here.  My math challenges notwithstanding, Boyo's disrespectful attitude when it comes to homework is hard to deal with calmly, especially right after a piano lesson, where he sits with halo straight and shiny in deference to his instructor.  It does no good to point out that not only did I myself go through sixth grade math, I have also assisted three other children.

This is part of living with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).  As the parent who spends the most time with Boyo, I am also the authority figure most often met with hostile, uncooperative behavior.  I've read enough to know how fortunate we are, because through Dearest and I working consistently with Boyo, we will get a conversation that includes an apology after most conflicts.  Sometimes he will interrupt the process to apologize and start over!  For that, even when it's hard, I'll be here for homework help.  Hang on a sec while I read the instructions...

A great photo of Boyo taken by Melinda, friend and fellow Ballet Mom, during the final dress rehearsal of The Nutcracker 2011.

Warm and Cozy

It is not uncommon for some people with Asperger’s to shower with water much hotter than most folks could tolerate.  Dearest and I wondered why the paint was peeling off the ceiling in the kids’ bathroom – we learned the reason when Girlie called me to bring her some shampoo while she was showering.  The air was so steamy and hot I could barely breathe, and when I checked the water temperature I couldn’t believe she wasn’t being scalded!  As she got old enough to turn the water on for herself and learned to adjust it, she was taking much hotter showers.

She also likes to sleep completely under all of her blankets, and when I check on her before going to bed she is often soaked in sweat.  Definitely another case of ‘different strokes’, but we’re teaching her to air out her bed every day and change the sheets more often. 

Girlie complains that it’s cold in the house when everyone else is comfortable, and often doesn’t like swimming even in a heated pool because she gets cold.  This all makes sense when you consider that she has an extremely low BMI, with not a bit of extra fat anywhere on her body.  One might think this would limit her outdoor playtime, right?  No; in fact when she is in the mood she often stays out ‘til dusk, no matter the weather.  How, then, is it possible for her to be outside on extremely chilly spring days with short sleeves, and no shoes or jacket; or to wear wet, sandy clothes at the beach for so long when she is looking for rocks? 

Research shows that sensitivity to temperature for people on the spectrum goes from one extreme to the other, and clearly in Girlie’s case that can happen in one person.  There is some suggestion that it may go with along with dyspraxia, which affects people on the spectrum at a higher rate than the neurotypical population.  Discounting the very low body fat and how that affects her perception of cold, it seems like ‘warm’ has to be ‘hot’, and ‘cool’ has to be ‘cold’ before she acknowledges it.  She prefers extremes of temperature, and in-between is uncomfortable.  No matter how it seems to me, I don't comment any more; at nearly fourteen years old she can make her own decisions about how to stay warm.

Adapted from a free DROPS Design sock pattern
knitted with KnitPicks City Tweed DK in Poseidon.

Speaking of warm and cozy, I've had occasional problems with joint pain related to an auto-immune condition for several years.  More recently it’s been exacerbated in my ankles due to an injury a few years ago (the circumstances of which are not discussed, due to the abnormally high ‘stupid factor’ of the incident).  Sometimes even a slight draft of cool air on my right ankle, especially, is very painful.  A little over a year ago the discomfort was so bad I decided to knit some wool legwarmers, and the difference they made was incredible.  I just finished another pair recently and I love that something so simple can improve my comfort level so dramatically.  Wool socks + wool legwarmers = warm and cozy (and almost pain-free!) ankles.

Short Cuts

Girlie loves cutting.  She saves all the ribbons from wrappings and cuts them into tiny bits.  She collects yarn ends from my knitting and cuts them into tiny bits.  I’m not sure how we escaped the predictable haircuts when she was small, but thankfully we did.

Probably her favorite thing to cut is little sticks, so she loves clipping twigs and branches into tiny bits.  Since the snow and ice brought down so many branches, she has been anxiously awaiting the weekend when Dearest would be home so she could help him clear away the debris.  For the last few days, she’s been going out with my pruning clippers and nipping the smaller twigs into six inch pieces – to the tune of three buckets full!

The idea behind this is that she wants Dearest to have an unending supply of kindling so there are no excuses not to have a spur-of-the-moment bonfire.  Girlie has a stronger than average attraction, I think, because she would sit poking at a fire for much longer than any adult wants to supervise said activity.

Today Girlie and Dearest pulled all the big fallen branches away from the trees and cut them up into manageable pieces.  Of course the kids were hoping for a giant bonfire, but I vetoed that in favor of a small fire in our patio pit after they haul a truckload of debris to the drop-off yard down the road.  Weather permitting, there will be a marshmallow roast in the near future.  I'm sure I can put down my knitting long enough to have one S'more  :-)

More S'mores than you can imagine available here!

A Matter of Time

Girlie found it a bit difficult to learn to tell time.  Most of the clocks in our home are analog because it’s what Dearest and I prefer, and they are a great help with teaching math concepts.  Girlie admitted yesterday she prefers to look at digital clocks.  It doesn’t really matter, though, because whether she can tell me the time or not, she has no concept of what it really means.  She doesn’t understand the passage of time.

This is another aspect of Girlie I have found very challenging.  Because humans live largely by the clock, (too much, I think, but that’s a different subject) we’re used to giving ourselves time limits and learning to pace ourselves accordingly.  But not Girlie.  She is unable to estimate if something happened 5 minutes or an hour ago; if an event was a week, a month, or a year ago, because she can’t perceive what periods of time feel like.

A nifty little gadget called a Time Timer - an analog timer face with a red disk that disappears with the passage of minutes - helps a little bit, but we can’t have them everywhere.  Girlie's OT has been using them for several years, and we have a wrist model, but Girlie doesn't like wearing it because it's rather large.  We also have a timer that looks like a tape measure; the metal 'tape' is pulled up showing the desired number of minutes, and it lowers back down into the casing as the minutes elapse.  It doesn't matter what they look like; timers are all the same, right?  No; in fact, these timers are different than most because they show a tangible decrease in the size of what is left, rather than just a smaller number.

Another technique we use is showing Girlie, on our huge dining room clock, exactly how many minutes she has to finish her meal or complete her homework.  We do this by pointing to the beginning and end times and using a finger to follow the path the minute hand will take.

It is difficult to know how much is sinking in, or whether Girlie will ever fully understand the concept.  We'll keep at it for however long it takes, though, because when it comes to teaching – or learning – any time is the right time!

The free pattern for this knitted clock can be found here!

Multi-tasking.

Another catchphrase that has garnered a lot of attention over the years, ‘multi-tasking’ was something to be included in résumés and cover letters as a testament to one’s ability to perform as many simultaneous functions and get as much done as possible in the minimum amount of time.  Lately, more people are wondering whether it makes sense to multi-task and if we are truly working to our best abilities.

The way I see it, we have become a society of humans doing, rather than human beings.

One of the most difficult things for me in learning to guide Girlie through daily tasks was slowing down and doing one. thing. at. a. time.  There has been some improvement over the years, but Girlie is largely unable to follow multi-step instructions – to the point where she sometimes becomes distracted before accomplishing even the first step!  Give yourself an example: next time you’re instructing a child how to complete a chore or assignment, listen for how many steps are involved.  Unless one has had training to the contrary or is working with very young or challenged children, it’s pretty likely there are three or more steps to the task.

Sometimes, instructions are too ambiguous and have to be broken down for clarity.  It may sound like one task, but do you know how many steps are implied if you say, “go brush your teeth” or “go take a shower”?  That complicates things, doesn’t it?  Now it has to be taken one step at a time right from the word ‘go’ (Go where? Which bathroom?).  You might be able to imagine why something as seemingly simple as getting ready for school in the morning can take far longer than I would ever have expected.

For me, there is less tension in practicing doing each task mindfully, without thinking of the many other things I want/have/need to do.  Additionally, I can walk Girlie through the steps much more calmly, and that has a very positive effect on her stress level and increases her competency and confidence.

So, have I stopped ‘multi-tasking’?  No, in fact, I still try to pack too many errands into a given amount of time, do too many other things while cooking dinner, or find myself giving too many instructions.  I’m trying to be more mindful about it, though.  With one notable exception: I still knit and listen to audiobooks for the first three-fourths of my time on the treadmill.  I have to fool myself that the knitting and listening is what I’m really doing; the exercise is incidental. :-)

I love the Lion Brand Yarn free ecards!
Obviously knitting while walking is not a new idea,
as evidenced by this image of a painting done by
Swiss artist Albert Anker (1831-1910)

Variations on a Theme

In case you haven’t heard, there are changes afoot in the official wording of Asperger's Disorder, autism spectrum, and PDD-NOS diagnostic codes and definitions.  There has been a lot of concern that the changes could cause at best, an interruption in services and at worst, loss of services for folks on the spectrum.

Author (and Aspergian) John Elder Robison wrote an excellent article recently that helped put my mind at ease.  I decided about a year ago not to get caught up in the excitement because I felt there were advantages to both sides of the argument (and I’m a notorious fence-sitter).  It may be a much larger issue for the folks who are depending on diagnostic codes to determine eligibility for medical and therapeutic treatments, and wording is critical – right down to placements of ‘and’ and ‘or’. 

Will it have any effect on Girlie in the long-term?  No, in fact, we are fortunate not to be in the position of so many other folks who are trying to obtain intensive therapies, many of which are still considered experimental in spite of the documented successes.  Since Girlie’s social skills classes don’t qualify for reimbursement and we aren’t seeking other services, I admit to not educating myself further on the issue.  Additionally, I don’t feel her IEP eligibility will change; if it did we would have to make some adjustments, but she would still qualify for some services under a 504 plan due to her comorbid ADHD.

Speaking of Mr. Robison, I’ll put in a recommendation for his latest book: Be Different: Adventuresof a Free-Range Aspergian.  It offers excellent insight into how folks with Asperger’s Disorder think, and helping me communicate even more effectively with Girlie.  The more I learn about Asperger’s, the more I learn about people in general – and it doesn’t take a genius to know that’s a good thing!

Lion Bran Yarn website offers free wallpapers and ecards!  :-)

Milestones

I’ve been noticing some changes in Girlie’s behavior lately.  When I noticed this particular event I put it down to a rare occurrence that has been repeated a few times over the years.  When I saw it a second time within several days, I wondered if something new was happening.  The third time, I decided it’s a trend.

Girlie has reached a milestone in her maturity that has given her the ability to be patient and tolerant enough to play with her niece for more than just a few minutes at a time.  Of course, it also has to do with the niece’s maturity level, too, because she’s five years old now.  Madee’s speech is much easier to understand than even a year ago, so that helps, but she still has a big imagination and makes up stories that her Aunt Girlie just didn’t have the patience for even a few months ago.

Over the past several weeks, Girlie has colored with Madee, offered pictures from her favorite coloring books, allowed Madee to play as an equal when Girlie had a friend visiting, and asked her older sister for permission to brush Madee’s hair – which she then proceeded to do very thoroughly and neatly.

Now I’ll go back to the month before I noticed these things.  Girlie’s OT and I have discussed an interesting phenomenon a few times over the years; we’ve noticed that when a breakthrough is made it is usually preceded by difficulty with behaviors that had previously been overcome.  Remember back in November and early December when I mentioned some particularly violent meltdowns?  Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean I can predict which things will be mastered according to which setbacks Girlie is having; there has never been a discernible connection.  It’s all happening inside her brain where we can’t see and possibly, or probably, even Girlie wouldn’t be able to articulate what’s going on.  It doesn’t matter, after the fact; we’re all just happy when progress is made.

Does this mean Girlie will always be able to tolerate being around the younger kids, now?  No; in fact there were a few times during the power outage when folks came over to get warm and Girlie disappeared.  That’s another sign of maturity, though – removing herself from a situation before it stresses her out.  That’s a milestone anyone could be happy about!

Not a milestone I aspire to, but one by which I am very much impressed! This group of folks knitted enough fabric to cover the entire mile-long maze in Saffron Walden, Essex, UK.  Wish I could have seen it in person!