F is for...

Flexibility.

flex-i-ble  3. willing or disposed to yield; pliable: a flexible personality.

Flexibility as a quality is difficult to teach. It’s a concept, not a touchable, tangible thing. It’s also absolutely critical to instill in kids with challenges.

The way we describe flexibility is ‘being OK when something unexpected happens.’  Because if one isn’t OK when something unexpected happens – if one isn’t flexible – something is going to break.

Over the years, we have had tragedy strike over things that most families would take for granted.  We have had sobbing-screaming-swearing meltdowns lasting hours over a change in furniture arrangement.  Someone else’s breakfast getting cold.  Deciding on an artificial Christmas tree rather than a real one.  Having to sit at a different place at the dinner table in adjusting for company.  Having to use a different spoon.  These examples are a very small sample; I could go on, but will spare you, in case you are cringing as I am just thinking about this. 

Rigid, inflexible thinking is a problem for both kids, and the last breakdown wasn’t that long ago.  We’re getting better at talking about being flexible.  We can say, for example, “Remember, if the cafeteria is out of pizza, you can be OK with having a chicken sandwich,” or, "If we get home too late to watch the show we can check to see when that episode will be on again."  When we hear an exchange like, “I really wanted fish sticks for dinner but I can wait until tomorrow,” or, “I want to watch Redwall but you already said Mythbusters, so I can be OK with that,” we are very quick to compliment the child on his/her flexibility.  Really, we draw it to the attention of everyone in the room with positive affirmation – ‘Way to be flexible!  Thanks very much, that’s great cooperation!’ and so on.

Is it only the kids in this family that have difficulty being flexible?  No, in fact, I find myself doing little surveys in my head fairly often these days about whether I can be more flexible in my interactions with the kids!  Thankfully I find I can, quite often.  With a few exceptions, it doesn’t really matter what the kids wear, as long as it fits within safety/modesty/school rule guidelines.  You may think it’s no big deal, but in this family, allowing them to choose what they wear means sometimes I have to be OK if the same clothes are worn for two days and two nights.  It’s hard to know what an anxious child needs to ‘be OK’, and sometimes not changing clothes is going to make the difference between feeling fairly secure and feeling as if one might shatter into a million pieces. 

There are many ways I can tie flexibility in knitting, but I’ll go with one that involves what we are taught.  Every pattern gives the recommended gauge, and all knitters know the phrase “To save time, take time to check gauge”.  It means you’re supposed to knit a little swatch to ensure you’re getting the same number of stitches per inch and rows per inch as written in the pattern.  Gauge is one of the first things we’re taught when we learn to knit – it is not necessarily one of the first things we learn, though.

 

We knit happily away on projects for which, really, the exact gauge doesn’t matter.  It’s not too important that a scarf isn’t the same dimensions as stated in the pattern, or a dishcloth, or a shawl.  It’s critical in a garment, though, and even if one is using the same yarn and needle size as in the pattern, any individual will certainly knit a bit more tightly or loosely than the pattern designer.  These socks were knitted with yarn I bought at one of my first trips to a ‘real’ yarn store.  It’s called Zauberball Crazy and I love the way the colors are plied together.  It’s impossible to knit an identical pair of socks!  This was the first time I had knitted any kind of design in the socks, too, so I was feeling pretty proud of myself!  Too bad they didn’t fit me.  They ended up being just about a size too small, but my niece said she loved them and would be happy to have them.

Twists and Ribs socks on blockers I made from a tutorial! 

For this reason, one has to be flexible.  If size matters, gauge matters – even if it means using needles two or three sizes different than what the pattern calls for.  I learned my lesson, and Sarah loves her socks.  I can be OK with that.