P is for...

Potential.

That is not the word I had originally chosen; I was going to write about Phebe.  Phebe, one of the most supportive women I’ve ever known, was my mother-in-law for much too short a time.  The older kids remember her fondly, but alas, the two younger kids barely remember her, if at all.  One of the reasons I was going to write about her is because she was a great believer in potential and in making wonderful opportunities possible for others whenever she could.

When Dearest and I started considering the possibility of adopting children from the foster system, Phebe was ready to embrace more grandchildren, no matter what size, shape, color, physical condition, or mental ability they would be; she was probably the most accepting and supportive family member of all.  Because I had spent quite a bit of time looking into adopting hard-to-place children, I was aware of what the possibilities were (but not on a very practical level, as I’ve mentioned before!).

Whether the children with challenges in your life are biological offspring, adopted, stepchildren, foster, or other friends or relatives, it’s important to remember that even though they present with challenges, they also have potential.  For practical reasons, the limitations are often what we learn about first, because it may otherwise place a child in a dangerous situation.  Over time, though, we learned that ‘potential’ goes both ways; if there is potential for good, there must also be potential for bad.  Boyo loves to be involved in cooking and kitchen activities, but at the same time we get calls and emails from the school about problems – we used to joke that he will be a famous chef and make his cellmates proud.

Does this mean we don’t have any say in how these kids turn out?  No, in fact, I’m quite certain we could join the debate on nature vs. nurture, but what it really comes down to is that we give our kids tools – how they are used is up to them.  We, like parents everywhere, provide the best guidance we can manage and hope for the best.

A skein of yarn represents potential, to me, in every way.  With it, we can create something beautiful – that gorgeous red yarn is a merino-cashmere blend sock yarn.  There can also be disaster – the pretty, sparkly aqua yarn has already been knitted up into a spectacular failure; thankfully I was able to frog the whole project without ruining the yarn.  Now it will make a perfect hat for a dark-haired, brown-eyed granddaughter.  The point is, potential goes both ways.  The outcome is up to me.