U is for...

Understanding.

More than almost anything else, we need understanding.  To understand, and to be understood.

When we have children with challenges, that can be difficult.  Sometimes it just isn’t possible to understand a certain behavior or the reason for it.  Sometimes family members or friends just don’t seem to understand where we’re coming from, and have a hard time being empathetic.

I tend to get caught up in analyzing situations and placing a lot of importance on reasons, forgetting sometimes that it’s the response that matters whether one completely understands the impetus or not.  There’s time, later, to go over the play-by-play and try to understand it; then one can be better prepared to deal with a situation quickly and possibly more effectively.  Depending on the child’s level of understanding, he may be able to articulate what he was feeling, or what his understanding of the situation was.  There can be big surprises in conversations like that; sometimes the disparity between what was expressed and what was intended can be shocking.

Feeling understood is just as important for the parent as for the child.  Cultivating a supportive, understanding group of relatives or friends, who are willing to be educated about the particular challenges we face, is critical.  Some days, it can seem to make the difference between giving up, and going on.  Having that kind of friend is a treasure; being that kind of friend is a gift beyond measure.

I’ve been knitting obsessively for about 3 ½ years now, but do I understand every pattern I attempt?  No, in fact, there are times when reading the text and looking at the photos isn’t enough and I go searching for videos to learn a certain technique.  Usually I get what I need, but I still can’t really understand lace charting.  Thank goodness there are plenty of experts out there to do the work and all I have to do is follow the instructions!  Still, similar patterns can be written in different ways and be easier or more difficult to understand.

When I knitted the first star last year, I didn’t quite see the relationship in the decreases, and you can see the points ended up in a bit of a spiraling pattern.  The end result looked more like a flower than a star. 

In the second star, following a nearly-identical construction but worded differently, I ended up with exactly what the pattern was intended to look like.  

I would like to think, had I been as experienced then as I am now, I would have understood the first pattern and been successful, but it was a learning experience and by no means a waste of time.  It may seem like reaching for the stars, sometimes, but eventually one comes to an understanding.