G is for...

Grandchildren

My first grandchild was born when the two youngest kids were 8 and 6.  The very first problem we experienced was the anxiety that manifested when a kiddo decided that since I became a grandma it must mean I am very old and, therefore, soon to die.  Not so far-fetched, in his mind, because my children lost two grandparents within a few months; but they'd been in their seventies and eighties.  That one took a little extra help from our counselor, but it finally got sorted.  Mostly.  He hardly ever asks if Dad or I will die soon.

Counter to everything I imagined, Girlie showed very little interest in the new baby.  It shouldn’t have been such a surprise; after all, she had absolutely no interest in dolls, either.  Still, there were those expectations, again!

Fast forward a few years: surprises are in store when you spend time with neurotypical toddlers and preschoolers after having such an intense time with challenged children!  Some of those surprises were for Dearest, who had very little experience with small children, other than our own two; but most have been for me. 

A particularly poignant example was when my oldest daughter had an emergency and asked me to watch her 3 ½ year old.  I was sorry to tell her I couldn’t; it was the day of Boyo’s birthday celebration at school and I was taking treats to his class.  Almost as soon as I hung up the phone, I had a startling realization: I could take Madee with me, and she could help pass out napkins to Boyo’s classmates.  Doesn’t that sound simple?  Shouldn’t that have been my first thought?  No, in fact, my first thought was that it would be impossible to take a 3-year-old into a situation like that without expecting disaster, because that’s how it would have been when Girlie and Boyo were three; Girlie would not have been physically capable of passing out napkins and instead been screaming and trying to take ice cream away from 4^th graders.  Boyo would have run away unless a large and immovable guard was posted at the door. 

I called Carey right back and explained my faulty reasoning, and that I’d be happy to take Madee with me.  She felt like such a big girl passing out the napkins, and Boyo felt proud to show off being an uncle to his classmates.  That was a pivotal day for me.  Making assumptions about a child’s behavior based on a different child’s behavior – whether one expects the child to be higher functioning or lower functioning than his or her ability – is limiting to everyone involved.

On to knitting!  I’m lucky to have 'littles' living so close – grandchild number five was born a month ago and has been dressed in handknits from both his mama and I right from the very start.  Here is a photo worth much more than a thousand words.  ♥

Thanks for the photo, Rhondi!